What’s the point of Light Sabres?

So here I am, once again a little worse for wear (well it is a Bank Holiday Friday) and I feel like writing. For some reason the only thing that pops into my head is a Light Sabre. Should that be a capital L and capital S? I’m not sure, but I do know that such a fine invention deserves some respect; so capital L and capital S it is. O.K., it’s not an invention, it’s an idea, but it still deserves the capital L and the capital S.

Not doubt some of you reading this think it should be Light Saber, well, fine, I’m really not that bothered, but I am British and in Britain we have ‘res not ‘ers when it comes to a confined beam of light. I thinks it’s safe to say that ‘ers are the US variant of English, i.e. wrong. But there again, if the inventor of the item in question says it’s ‘er then maybe I should relent… But, again, I’m British, so that isn’t going to happen (for the US variant it’s "ain’t going to happen").

Anyway, Light Sabres are not simply a figment of some bloke’s imagination. Well, actually they are, but what I mean is that they aren’t. Let me explain a little more before I pop into a singularity of my own nonsense. Yes, some bloke dreamed up a story for a film and committed it to celluloid. Some other bloke had the arduous task of making the things glow and another bloke had the task of making them sound cool. And we all watched, mesmerized by the brilliance of what we saw.

Just imagine if we owned a Light Sabre… We would rule the whole universe with the truth and justice dealt out by our hand-built door slicer. When I say we, obviously I mean I.

And that’s my point; just imagine… Because that is the point of the Light Sabre. It makes us dream about the future and more importantly it gives some of us only one true mission in life… to invent one… And that furthers science and scientific knowledge.

Take the humble mobile phone as an example. Do you think, even for a second, that any of us would be doing the "talking on the mobile phone strut" if someone hadn’t seen Kirk flicking open his communicator? You know, as well as I do, that there’s no chance.

People are now, as we sleep, sat up because they can’t sleep because the issue of dis-assembling people and re-assembling them thousands of miles away is really bugging them. It’s people like that that really push the boundaries, but I can’t help but think it’s the story tellers that ignite the flame.

Now you might think I’m talking nonsense, but I saw a program on the telly about Stephen Hawking. I like theories, it’s true. I like to read about the pyramids of Giza being a weapon and that the Arc of the Covenant is sat safely in a church in Ethiopia, whether I believe it or not is a different matter, but I do like to read about them.

There are some times in life though when you just have to say, "whoa there Neddy, slow down, have a drink of tepid water from this here Oasis". I know they are the foremost experts at thinking about stuff, it’s good that they do that, but to say that the whole universe was compacted into something smaller than the size of an electron…"whoa there Neddy…"

Apparently gravity is so weak because, all around us, there are tiny little other dimensions that act like shower heads. Gravity seeps through them which is why it is so weak. It is actually just as strong as the other forces but only so in another dimension, by the time it gets to us it is weak… "whoa there Neddy…".

Are we really supposed to take this stuff seriously? I suppose it all works out in maths but sometimes you’ve just got to take a step back and think, "actually, we’re talking bollocks". It sounds to me like the maths gives some weird options, so let’s pick a few. Woah there Neddy, take a drink.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am just about the most atheistic (is that a real word?) person you could ever meet. I’m not aggressivly atheist but the God stuff just makes me laugh. But when science comes up with such theories as other dimensions and gravity coming through shower heads it seems to me as stupid as the god nonsense. Come on you brainy lot, take a step back.

And one last thing that puzzled me, if gravity comes through the shower head of other dimensions, do not all the other forces too? Are they not actually far stronger in other dimensions and we only get a portion of them too?

It’s time for bed, I hope I dream about Light Sabres rather than shower heads.

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