It’s official, the Gears now work!

27th November 2008:

The simple fact is that if you own an Xbox 360 then you have to buy Gears of War 2 when it’s released. It’s a well kept secret that when you buy a 360 you get a little declaration card stating that you will buy all the Halo and Gears of War games that ever get released no matter how bad they are, and if you don’t honour it your Xbox Live! account sends you nasty e-mails.
So rather than risk that particular threat I went and bought GOW 2 the second it was released.. as you do.
Now the more regular readers amongst you will know that I didn’t rate GOW 1 very much. It was a good game, but it didn’t float my boat all that much and I wasn’t expecting GOW 2 to provide anything more than mild boredom.
I put the game in my machine, but then I don’t know what happened. I kind of remember beautiful scenes stretching out into the distance, I remember noticing a little pool of shimmering water inbetween the individually sculpted and waving trees as I rode on the mother of all tanks. There’s a distant memory of frightening creatures so realistic that I might have shat myself. I can muster up the odd recollection of massive underground caverns with light and mist and water drifting across my vision. I remember epic battles and big bosses that Bruce Lee himself would whimper at, I remember legging it away like crazy from the flame throwers.
And then I woke up and somehow a day had gone. I think I was abducted by aliens.
When I recovered from the audio/visual onslaught of GOW2 and realised it was the best game I had played all year and the best game I had ever seen, ever, on any platform, I moved on to Call of Duty World at War.
What a bunch of lazy gits! Literally all they have done is took COD 4, removed all the epically brilliant bits, changed the graphics to be the same as COD 2 and expect us to swallow it as the greatest thing since sliced bread. I think not baby puppies…
Don’t get me wrong, the co-op was fun, and so is the online, but all the CODs are brilliant online. This certainly is not as good as United Offensive and struggles to better COD 2. Give this thing back to Infinity Ward, Treyarch are quite simply missing the point. You can’t try to shove this on us when GOW 2 is walking around saying, “Oi, what’re you looking at? Give me your dinner money”.
On a different note, will someone, anyone, tell me the point of having a PS3. Not one single cross platform game is better on the PS3 than Xbox. When it came out PS3 was supposed to be like the Ferrari of consoles, shitting on the 360 from a most spectacular height. “360 had a year’s start but just wait for PS3”, everyone said. Well I’ve got one and I’m still waiting for something decent on it.
And don’t start parping on about Little Big Planet. That’s just a mediocre platformer with a level editor. I’ve no doubt it’s superb if you like poratting about dressing up chracters and designing stuff, but I don’t have time for any of that nonsense, I have GIMP 2.0 for my designing needs.
Also and… how can Motorstorm 2 sell even one single copy whilst Pure is out. Pure is in a different league! Come on you game buying lot, do the companies that give us great games some justice and buy them. Pure deserves your dosh, not Motorstorm!
Also also and… Dead Space.. Give me a break… What utter and complete dros. Why oh why would anyone buy it?
Also also also and… The new 360 dashboard has a new 1650*1080 mode! In the words of the most famous of plumbers… Wahoo!

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