Stuck on a Train

18th September 2009: Stuck on a train

Just outside Peterb’ro, stuck on a train,
Contemplating life while my arse is in pain.
Been sat here for hours and haven’t moved
so far as an inch and I need a poo.

Work’s not an option because the laptop won’t open fully
’twixt back of the seat, and the front of my belly.

Luckily MAME came to my rescue for a bit
And I got my best score at Thunder Dragon on it
I dodged and I weaved, and bombed and avoided
As I constantly squeezed to stop myself farting.

But that got a bit hard ‘cos I had to bend over to aim
And my neck’s giving me hassle and causing a strain.

As always, when I have nothing fot keep me awake
I think about stuff, and that’s always a mistake
Such as why does anyone believe in a God?
Surely they know it’s just a con?

And why don’t I have my Creative Zen?
And I wonder if I’ll beat Borf
When I play Space Ace again

I have to say that it’s fecking hot
And my pits are both oozing
My shirt’s starting to blot.

Would it have been better if I’d gone by car?
I’d probably spend the same time on the tar.
But at least I’d have the air-conditioning
and some gabber and metal doing my ears in.

The man just spoke on the effing PA
Telling us the problem, yet again.
He must have made a hundred announcements
Just one more and I’ll kill the bastard.

I know that someone has been hit already
In order to make themself a bit deady.
And I know that the delay is 90 minutes
And I know that you’re sorry but the water has finished.

That’s why I got myself a can of boddies
I might have another while I write this shoddy.
Poem about being stuck on the train
And the pain in my arse
And trying to keep sane.

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